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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23960770">Stages</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagetora/pseuds/kagetora'>kagetora</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>D.Gray-man</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Lovers, Hate Sex, M/M, Rivals, Rivals to Lovers, fuck buddies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:54:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,970</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23960770</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagetora/pseuds/kagetora</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen Walker isn't sure how he ended up in this situation; in Kanda's bedroom. And he isn't sure this is a good idea, but he can't bring himself to stop. Led by instinct and desire, two people will deal with the position they've put themselves in, and accepting feelings they may not have been aware they had.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Reason</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/614626">Stages</a> by AsianVoodoo.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I suddenly decided to rewrite a ten year old fanfic of mine from ffnet.<br/>I can only hope I got better in ten years.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <em>How did I get into this situation?</em> </strong>
</p><p>He didn't quite know, but there he was; pressed against man who had treated him as an enemy since the day he'd arrived. One moment they'd been yelling--arguing with one another--the next, their mouths pressed together in desperate, open mouthed kisses. He supposed he should be grateful that they'd been the only two in the training room--but he didn't know if the presence of people would have stopped them.</p><p>Just as the thought crossed his mind, the mouth against his disappeared. And then the strong, calloused hand that had just been exploring his body was wrapped around his wrist and he found himself being dragged down the halls of the Order.</p><p>Somehow, he was letting it happen. Allowing himself to be manhandled down the hallway as he watched the angry and flustered expression of the one doing the manhandling. Vaguely aware of the door to one of their rooms opening as he was shoved in. He stumbled forward, turning to speak as the door was slammed shut. Only barely managing to open his mouth when the other's crushed against his in a breath-taking kiss of desperation and fury. A groan escaped him, grasping at the other's shirt for stability. </p><p>"Kanda--" He managed the name in the midst of a breath, wincing when the sharp, piercing eyes focused on him. Perhaps it wasn't smart to call his name.</p><p>Kanda leaned forward, initiating another, shorter, rough kiss. Pulling back only to nip at his ear, speaking directly against it. "What is it, <em>moyashi</em>?"</p><p>Allen shivered at the husky sound of Kanda's voice, the sensation of it against his ear causing his mind to go blank. Unable to recall what he'd planned on saying, he tugged weakly at the other's shirt as he tried to recapture his lips.</p><p>The older teen scoffed at his lack of verbal response, ignoring Allen's attempt at a kiss. Instead, Kanda's lips found his neck, nipping at his pale skin, drawing out a soft whimper. Allen's hands balled into fists against his back, gripping at his shirt like he was afraid he'd disappear if he let go. Still unable to understand what caused this position he was in, but finding himself unwilling to resist the primal, carnal instinct keeping him there.</p><p>The strong hands that were on his hips began pulling roughly at Allen's shirt, tugging it over his head. Vaguely, he felt a small shock that Kanda hadn't simply ripped it off of him. Not that he would mention it, nor was he complaining. Not that he would have gotten the chance; as the next thing he knew, he was being led away from the wall and dropped, unceremoniously, onto the bed.</p><p>Allen bounced slightly as he hit the mattress, gawking up at Kanda as the older teen knelt on the bed in front of him. Watched, open mouthed, as Kanda removed his own shirt, pale eyes lingering over every inch of skin and scar revealed. He'd seen him shirtless plenty of times; but something about then and there made the sight so much more... thrilling. It was hard to look away, so he didn't--until he realized that cold, blue eyes were honed in on him. Watching him with a hunger he'd never seen on that face before.</p><p>"K... Kanda..?"</p><p>There was no response. Kanda leaned in, propping himself over Allen as he drew him into another kiss. So desperate and primal that Allen found himself arching up against Kanda, an unconscious urge to be closer to him, against him, feeling him. The sense of loss when Kanda pulled away was almost devestating. Until those lips found their way to Allen's chest; open mouthed kisses and teasing nips.</p><p>Allen had experimented before, during the time he was travelling. Only recently, of course. He was still young by any standards. Never anything serious or in depth--simply the curiousity of his and other boys his age. Innocent chaste kisses and hesitant touches.</p><p>Nothing like this.</p><p>He grasped at the sheets as Kanda's mouth explored his body, going lower and lower. Allen couldn't tell if the noises he heard were actually coming from his own mouth; he wasn't aware he could sound so.. desperate. Found himself moving entirely on instinct when his hand moved down to tug at the tie that kept Kanda's hair up so pristinely; fingers tangling into that long, silky hair he'd always loved looking at.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong> <em>How did they get there?</em> </strong>
</p><p>Allen hadn't a clue to the answer. When he woke up, he was only aware of one thing.</p><p>Soreness.</p><p>Weakly, he attempted to shift his position to gain some semblance of comfort; but it seemed that escaped him. It was only then did he notice the arm hooked around his waist, as it tightened around him when he tried to move. Allen glanced back, shocked to see Kanda fast asleep, expression almost peaceful. A foreign sight, to be sure.</p><p>He lay there, assessing the situation he'd found himself in. They'd slept together, him and Kanda. The person he was certain would be the last person to ever want to lay a hand on him in any circumstance. There had never been even the vaguest him that Kanda felt any form of... attraction to him. Strongly the opposite. He was sure Kanda loathed every facet of his existence.</p><p>And yet, there they were.</p><p>In bed the morning after, Allen Walker freshly deflowered, brain a scramble of confusion.</p><p>What was the reason? Would it change anything?</p><p>Allen attempted to stretch his legs, flexing them gently, met with a dull wave of pain that caused him to groan in pain. The noise was met with a quiet huff behind him, and a sharp, insisting voice.</p><p>"Shut the fuck up."</p><p>It probably wouldn't change anything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Idea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Longer author note this time, apologies.</p><p>Honestly, I didn't know if I was going to keep rewriting. Then I found myself constantly thinking about how I should work on the next chapter. I make no promise on how much time will be between releases, because I'm bad at keeping my word. But, apparently, I do want to continue rewriting this.</p><p>This chapter strays from the original far more than the previous. As I was reading the original, I found myself vastly unhappy with it. This should get the same effect, while being (hopefully) better written.</p><p>Will I keep posting chapters in the middle of the night when no one is awake? Maybe.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <strong>How did this happen? </strong> </em>
</p><p>The answer was unclear to him. Not that it was something that he particularly keen on dwelling on it.</p><p>One moment they were--as always--arguing, screaming at one another. The only thought that crossed his mind was how much he wanted to swing; to bash the crap out of the little priss' face. The next moment, they were all over each other. Teeth knocking together in a clumsy, but desperate and almost violent kiss, and his mind could only process the overwhelming desire to find any surface sturdy enough to fuck the priss into.</p><p>How many times had it been now? Once again, the answer was unclear. And again, he didn't much care to find out.</p><p>All that mattered were the moments themselves. The fact that he could let himself get caught up in it. </p><p>This was one such time; and, really, he couldn't be bothered enough to even remember how they'd ended up in one of their rooms. He must have led them there, must have made the decision to push Allen onto the mattress, pinning his arms above his head. Even if Kanda had intended on pondering the circumstance, he didn't get the chance before a leg swung out against his own roughly.</p><p>"Let go." Allen hissed, tugging violently at the hands gripped tightly around his wrists. But the younger of them didn't pull away from the mouth pressed against his; instead, speaking during pauses to breath.</p><p>"Stop <em>kicking</em> me and I will."</p><p>"Let go and I won't kick you." The grin on Allen's face brought with it, a swell of irritation within Kanda; but nothing like the teasing words that followed it. "Or can't you get it up without subduing me?" </p><p>"<em>You</em>--" Kanda felt his face grow hot with rage. Not his usual, gruff violence; but one that pooled from that carnal desperation that brought him to that bed. The one that had him releasing Allen Walker's wrists, only the unceremoniously roll the other onto his stomach. Allen let out a noise of protestation that cut off abruptly when he felt Kanda's hands on his hips, lifting him to meet a hardness that promised what he wanted. "Fucking brat."</p><p>Pale fingers gripped the sheets as Allen turned his head, cheek pressed against the mattress as gray eyes focused back on him. That infuriating grin still played on his lips, "Guess I was right."</p><p>"You're a fucking pain is what you are." He wrapped his arms around Allen, fingers expertly and quickly undoing the buttons to his pants just enough to be able to grasp the hem and pull the offending garment down. Kanda would never admit that having Allen underneath him like this, indecently exposed and at his mercy <em>was</em> an actual turn on. Would never give him the satisfaction of verbal confirmation.</p><hr/><p><em> <strong>How did they end up in this situation</strong> </em> <em> <strong>?</strong> </em></p><p>The how was something he was completely unaware of. If he deigned to give it enough thought... he didn't quite know if he could figure the answer. He wouldn't give it the time, of course. Never being the one to care about particulars; that was the job of others with more time on their hands. How and why's don't matter after the fact, and he couldn't afford to dwell on the past.</p><p>All Kanda knew was that this was the predicament he was in, and it was only as much of a problem as he would let it be.</p><p>Blue eyes focused on the thin, pale arms wrapped around his waist. Kanda had been sat in bed in silence for quite some time. Not dwelling on anything in particular as he watched the younger exorcist's peaceful slumber. Noted the almost imperceptable swell of Allen's lips from the abuse of their kisses and the times Kanda had decided to bite down. The gentle discoloration of the skin around Allen's wrists and hips from the tight grip he'd held him in.</p><p>A sigh from Kanda was all it took for Allen to stir slightly, the arms around the older one's waist tightened, and he heard a sleep-riddled mumble escape swollen lips.</p><p>"What?" He questioned, more on reflex than actual curiosity, he told himself.</p><p>"I said you are so <em>unecessarily</em> violent." Allen repeated, not bothering to open his eyes as he spoke. He released Kanda, rolling onto his back and stretching his arms above his head with a relieved groan. "How am I supposed to explain bruised wrists? That's why I asked you to let go..."</p><p>Kanda clicked his tongue in response, gaze now locked firmly on the wall across the room, unwavering. "That doesn't much sound like <em>my </em>problem." He recognized the click of Allen's tongue as a mocking one, causing his lip to twitch in irritation. "You're creative," He grumbled "Come up with a fucking excuse."</p><p>Allen scoffed, shifting again to roll onto his side, facing away from the older exorcist. "Dick."</p><p>He glanced over only when he knew that Allen wouldn't see, eyes fixated on his back. Gaze sliding up, focusing on where snowy, pale skin gave way to the dark, rough black of Innocence. Ignoring the pull that asked him to reach out. Shoving aside the desire to run his fingers along that line of skin, to memorize the way it felt where Allen ended and the martyr began. Discarding the tug of need; the want to have Allen face Kanda, so that he could trace the curse that laid claim to that infuriating face. </p><p>Kanda knew how they'd gotten there, he knew very well. Deep, deep in his core, he knew. Had known from the start, since the moment their lips first met. He knew that he'd been the one to pull Allen in first, and it was something he dwelled on constantly. The first touch, the first kiss, the first desire.</p><p>He was painfully aware. And he was allowing it to grow into a great problem, indeed.</p><p>Yet... no part of him could allow it to end.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will actually write out the act of sex at some point during this rewrite, I promise.</p><p>PSA, regarding the last part of this chapter, as I don't want it to become an issue:<br/>All of their 'arguing' during sex is meant to be banter. The bruises I describe on Allen are not violent and non-consensual; they are a product of Kanda being extremely rough, to which Allen only protested when it was on his wrists, and Kanda let go when told. I write their relationship as being consensually volatile during the beginning, so expect to see descriptions like this.</p><p>Also, I only put an underage warning on it because I never wrote this with intention on a time period in Allen and Kanda's lives in mind. This could take place during the canon timeline, in which Allen is underage. This could take place later in life, when they're both adults. The only for certain is that in this point in time, Allen's innocence has evolved into Crowned Clown. Actual timing is up to your desire and imagination. Wherever it fits best for you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Answer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi.<br/>It's 1:44AM. I'm listening to Ashnikko again.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>How did it get to this point?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>They didn't quite know.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>How did this happen?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Answer unclear. Please try again.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Why was it still happening?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>That was the only thing clear to the both of them. Yet, if you asked, they would refuse to answer--possibly even lie about knowing. Their <em>pride</em> was on the line, after all. It had become an addiction, seeking each other out. Bodies and words clashing desperately in hatred and--no. They were adamant that the only thing fueling these trysts was some warped, sick hatred for one another. To say otherwise would obviously be a lie. <em>Just</em> hatred.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>It was obvious that was far from the truth.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Though, perhaps that was why they kept going. Trying to prove what they knew, deep down, was the truth. The both of them had their own reputations for sheer hardheaded foolishness, after all. That was one of the reasons they had such a hard time getting along at the best of times--among other things, of course.d</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Perhaps, in their foolhardy battle with the truth, all they were doing was proving it.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Currently, they were stuck in another one of those moments in which they attempted to usurp the truth of the matter. A proverbial finger to fate, if you will. A way of saying fuck you to reality by, shockingly, managing to include fucking. By this point, it was a familiar situation to them. Spotting one another as they trudged back to their rooms and it was all they could do to <em>not</em> immediately jump one another right then and there--be it either verbally abusive or physically <em>engaging</em>.</p><p>Their greeting would be a cold glare and maybe a quiet scoff as one of them would change their direction to follow the other, acting as if it was almost coincidence. Of course, the second they were hidden in the confines of one of their rooms, they were not so casual.</p><p>They would crash together in a mess of lips and tongues and teeth in violent, bruising kisses--if you could call them that. Shortly after there would be wandering, groping hands added to the mix. The ripping of offending fabric seemed louder than gunshots as they would almost race to discard their clothes and stumble over one another to the bed.</p><p>The younger one reached up, and in a motion that was comparable to <em>ripping</em>, pulled out the other's hair-tie, resulting in a long string of unpleasant curses. "<em>Are you trying to rip my fucking </em>hair <em>out,</em> <em>moyashi?</em>" The swordsman hissed venemously, resisting the urge to yank on Allen's hair in turn to show him how it felt.</p><p>"It wasn't that bad." Responded Allen, pulling him down--by the hair--into another rough kiss.</p><p>Kanda pulled away, earning a quiet whine and an attempted reinitiation. Wordlessly, he ignored the other's attempt, lips moving down to press open mouthed kisses to his "partner's" collar. A soft moan escaped Allen's lips, already breathless from the desperation of their journey to get to this position.</p><p>Experimentally, Allen lifted his hips, attempting to goad Kanda into doing more than just leave hickies on his neck. "Ka-<em>ahh</em>-nda.." He murmured, right as he felt long fingers brush against his arousal. The touch was so... slow. Torturously. He brought a hand up to cover his flushed face, moving up into the hand <em>teasing</em> him. "Hurry the--ngh--fuck up..." He hissed.</p><p>"In such a hurry." Kanda muttered, finally taking the other's cock in hand, still moving slowly as he ran his thumb over the tip and gave the lightest squeeze.</p><p>"F--mm!--Fuck <em>off </em>and fuck <em>me</em> already." Allen made an earnest attempt to glare up at the other. Only lasting a half second before another moan bubbled out of him, ruining his concentration as Kanda jerked him off. Frustrated, he moved his hand down to cover his mouth, muffling himself.</p><p>"<em>Tch</em>. You do that every time." Kanda scoffed, "You only end up biting yourself." He sped up his teasing into steady pumping.</p><p>Almost as if on cue, the other couldn't help but let a moan escape and, in his frustration, Allen bit down on his finger. Wincing reflexively, but trying hard to brush off the pain. He mumbled something unintelligable against his skin that Kanda assumed was an insult.</p><p>Sighing, he took Allen's hand, bringing it up to his lips in one of the only gentle actions he would allow himself.</p><p>Blue eyes staring down into gray, reading far too deep into him for Allen to be comfortable. He tugged his hand away instinctively before playing it off by sliding his hand up the back of Kanda's neck, fingers tangling in surprisingly soft black hair. No doubt knotting it; but neither cared at the moment. Allen pulled the other down into a kiss; rough and desperate and angry. Never anything else--they wouldn't allow it.</p><p>They would never acknowledge the deep, carnal longing in each moment. The way their lips lingered for even a moment any time they parted, as if they were dreading even the smallest separation. How any time they <em>were</em> separated, their eyes found each other, gazing <em>into</em> each other. Far deeper into one another than they would ever be comfortable admitting. Because, in all honesty, they were confirming it for one another. Making sure that they were in agreement of the truth; even if they'd never utter it out loud.</p><p>It was disarming. Frightening.</p><p>How it felt when the two were giving in, pressed into one another, failing to their urges. Overwhelmed by each touch and each moan. Both of them trying to memorize every second, every inch of each other. As if there was not a single thing on this Earth that could compare to how it felt when they were togehter like this.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>How did it get to this point?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>They couldn't really say.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>How did this happen?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>A series of poor life choices.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Why was it still happening?</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>They knew exactly why. </p><p>And it terrified them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I disappeared for five months.<br/>My bad.<br/>I got into a car accident not long before I started writing this. It took more of a toll on my mentality than I thought I did, plus the bonus of the pandemic, plus ongoing medical problems. My productivity went right down the drain pretty quickly.<br/>I'm going to get better at it, hopefully.<br/>I do want to finish this.<br/>I actually didn't expect this chapter to be so short, but I like this more trimmed version of the original (which I didn't like to begin with).</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this while listening to Ashnikko</p></blockquote></div></div>
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